In previous posts it has been conclusively established with irrefutable evidence that only 7% of the people in a gym actually go there to workout. Well, the percentage might be slightly higher at Gold’s. If you’re hanging out there to pick up someone to take home and screw, you’re in the wrong place. Those troglodytes will snap you in half and chew on the pieces for protein.

Find a nice college gym. That’s where the hot bodies and loose morals are more likely to be found. Now what do you need? An oh-so-smooth pickup line, of course. Here are a few winners guaranteed to get you slapped, punched, spat upon, kneed in the groin, or reported to management. Proceed with care.

For Women Scamming Men:

“Hi, the voices in my head told me to come talk to you.”

“Can I lick that film off your teeth?”

“Do these look real?”

“Hi.” (It doesn’t take much to pick up the average guy)

“If you were a booger, I’d pick you first.”

For Men Scamming Women:

“Pardon me, are you in heat?”

“Bond. James Bond.”

“You’re so hot, you melt the plastic in my underwear.”

“I know milk does a body good but, baby, how much have you been drinking?”

“If I follow you home will you keep me?”

To be honest, many of these classy pick up lines are interchangeable between the sexes. They’re all so bad they just might work. Then again, they might not. If you find yourself actually considering the use of one of these lines, here’s some advice – don’t. Here’s an even crazier idea. Try actual conversation. I’ve heard it used to work in the old days.

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